This has absolutely nothing to do with quilting except that it's keeping me from doing it so keep reading at your own risk.
I am a 58 year old woman who was married for almost 20 years. I have 2 grown children, an almost 24 year old and a 21 year old. They are both living on their own now. My nearly 24 year old daughter, found herself a job in New York City and moved herself there about a year and a half ago and although she struggles sometimes she is pretty self sufficient and I am extremely proud of her.
Her younger brother lives in a rented house not far from where he grew up with his dog and works a full time job and I'm very proud of him as well.
After being on my own for about 5 years, I am now engaged and living with a man and his 2 teenage sons, 14 and almost 18. The boys are here 3 or 4 nights a week and with their mom the other nights.
They are both good kids most of the time although I have gotten the "You're not my mom and I don't have to listen to you" either to my face or implied from each of them at least once. But, I do all the mom things and even more for them so that really makes me angry to hear it.
I don't put the clothes into the washer and dryer but I fold and put away everything that comes out. Also, I am not the main cook in the house, although occasionally I do prepare the whole meal, and when I'm not cooking on my own I always participate in preparing it with my fiance or his younger son.
Rather than asking for help and being ignored or argued with, I will often empty and fill the dishwasher sometimes twice a day when the boys are here. The younger son is much more helpful around the house and is extremely responsible. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments, as I'm sure I do. But if I ask him to help with dinner or bring wood in for the fireplace he usually does it without much fuss.
The older son usually arrives here after school and heads straight to his room. I won't see him again until dinner is ready. When he is called for dinner, sometimes he will join us. When he doesn't sit down to eat with us, he will eat his dinner later and will often leave his dirty dishes in his room for weeks at a time.
I have cooked for him, taken care of his laundry, brought firewood into the house and stoked the fire to keep it warm, driven him places, picked him up from places, taught him how to drive using my car. When his dad calls his name the first word out of his mouth is most often "NO" without even knowing why he's being called.
I have had enough. I refuse to be at his beck and call and told him in no uncertain terms that unless he starts to contribute to the upkeep of the household in some way I will no longer do anything extra for him. He asked me twice the night before last if I would give him a ride somewhere and both times I told him no and explained why. His response was to tell me he didn't care and headed back to his room.
Today his younger brother asked me for a ride into the village. I said I was working on dinner but if he did some vaccuuming for me I would be happy to give him a ride. He did the vaccuuming, then went to his brother's room and told him I was giving him a ride into town. The younger then came downstairs and told me that the older was coming, too. My response was, "No he isn't." The younger asked why not and I told him that I had set my boundaries and if the older can't be bothered to make changes I won't be doing any favors for him. It would have been easier for me to drop both of them off and have some time to myself but then I'm not teaching anyone anything except that I don't keep my word.
If you've gotten all the way through this and you have any advice I am all ears!
